So, telling people at work now. I have quite a mixed international group of colleagues, and noticed that my German colleagues in particular had a bit of a different reaction than my other colleagues. Here is the typical exchange of words after I've shared our news:
With English, Swedish, Dutch and American colleagues:
1. The normal congratulary noises, maybe some advice stuck in there, maybe some anecdote about their children or something like that.
2. Then, back to business - questions along the line of "When are you due?" When are you planning to go on maternity leave", "Who will cover for you" and "When will you be back?"
- For the Swedish reaction add something along the lines of "Are you on a UK contract or a Swedish contract?" and when they find out I am on a UK contract "Oh dear... how long maternity leave do you get?" and then always very surprised that I get 9-12 months.... Swedes always assuming it is much worse in the UK than Sweden (which it is in some ways which I need to blog about at a later date, but not in others and never as bad as we tend to think...)
With my German colleagues:
1. As the above, exactly the same
2. "So, when are you leaving us"?
??? Not a word about coming back... after some quiet time I then add "...but I am coming back"... and they react with mild surprise at this, and maybe something like "so, there is good child care in the UK?" with a slightly surprised voice. A female German colleague even shared with me that she and her boyfriend are planning to move to the US when she gets pregnant as "this bloody country just don't get the working mum thing".
Ok - so I think I work with very conservative Germans and of course there are different options in Germany too, but can't help but wonder whatever happened after the reunion with DDR? Did nothing of the equality from the East drip into the West?
Final note: It is not that I disagree with women choosing to stop working to be stay at home mums, quite the contrary, it is beautiful - IF and WHEN this was their choice. As it is equally great when dads choose to do the same, as well as when couples choose to organize other help as they are both working. Every way works as long as you love and care for your family. I am just against not offering choices to people that is all.
Anyways, I am very glad to live in a country/city where choice is ripe and people tend to find their own ways that suit their lifes the best!
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7 comments:
I have actually a few collegues who are leaving the country when they get pregnant too. Americans and Australians. As far as I have understood from my German source, his friends with children go back to work after around 9 months and have the children in childcare.
Sorry to say, but it cannot be denied that England and the UK have the one of the worst conditions for families with small children, both for parental leave and for childcare once the child has come. Which of course have made way for alternative ways such as a nanny and au pair-system, but these are systems restricted for those on the higher end of society, after all. Having spent now 6 months in public sector and am learning the system from the inside, it's no doubt that the care for the less fortunate is still far away.
Having said this, since we are successful and lucky people, we can stay here and sort these things out and not have to move back to "horrendous" (this is a joke..) places such as Sweden which would be the the most sane thing to do, esp given that we paid a hell of a lot of taxes to support the system.
The BB has spoken ;-)
He he, kind of knew you would have a comment dearest BB :-) A couple of countra comments:
- I didn't say Sweden is not better than UK in helping parents make it work no matter your income etc - all I said was that other countries are not AS BAD as us Swedes often think. Am a bit fed up with my countrymen raving a bit too much about how MUCH better Sweden is, and I just don't quite agree with all of it. I will have to blog separately about the differences at a later date.
- I know I know I know that Germany also has options and lots of happy families have choices. I am only referring to my little micro cosmos here and hope that is clear in the text. It IS different from both UK and Sweden though.
The RC has spoken (again!) :-)
I think maybe we are also mixing up the different discussions too.
Germans are old-fashioned. This is clear. Happily, my friend grew up in the East, so possibly he and his chums are more equalized. As I write this, I am sat in my German spy-outpost and will make some research today. Report coming up.
And as you know, I wouldn't go back to the mothership if someone paid me. And when you actually are able to pay for services (in our micro-cosmos) I believe that England actually IS better, both in terms of provision of services as well as in attitudes to taking help. As you know I think.
Just HAD to add to the debate. I wouldn't leave London just because I was pregnant. If so, I don't think it's a matter of services and hospitals etc, it's rather a matter of homesickness and peoples wanting to be close to familiy (read: mothers) and friends.
The shrip is in safe hands with the Queen of Shrimps though, so not to worry.
BB has again spoken. Adieu from München
You've got it BB.
Queen Prawn Rules!
Hej hej,
As someone living in parental policy wasteland Australia, I have to chip in.
All Australia’s trading partners except the US provide paid maternity leave, and we are trailing behind countries like Algeria, Cambodia and Bangladesh. Sucks - for me, if I wanted another child.
The AUD100 childcare per day is not funny, and neither is the impossible drop-off and pick-up times (9-5, in a large city with 1 hour commute minimum).
And yet, it works. It works for those who saved up in advance, for those taking advantage of the buoyant economy to do part-time work (me!) and for those who make enough money to have mommy stay home - although I don't see my well-off cafe latte moms being very fulfilled, to be honest.
When I tell friends about Swedish parental leave, I get a variety of reactions – from the jealous, to the sincerely surprised (”but why are you here?”) to the defensive (”go back home then”). But I don’t want to become a parental leave refugee. Each place has its own logic. The question is if you can live with those particular sets of trade-offs.
On a sunny day, I definitely can...
Love the phrase "parental leave refugee" :-)
Need to blog about "creating your own micro cosmos" with the support you need/want - and not waiting for laws to change or something along those lines.... Most people make it work, wherever they are!
XX
Prixis!
It's easy to get stuck in "bad Australia, poor me" syndrome - heaven knows Swedes here do (and I complain to).
But ultimately, we have choices.
You have to make one you can live with and love it. Otherwise it's a waste of good life!
xx
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