Intercultural reactions

So, telling people at work now. I have quite a mixed international group of colleagues, and noticed that my German colleagues in particular had a bit of a different reaction than my other colleagues. Here is the typical exchange of words after I've shared our news:

With English, Swedish, Dutch and American colleagues:

1. The normal congratulary noises, maybe some advice stuck in there, maybe some anecdote about their children or something like that.
2. Then, back to business - questions along the line of "When are you due?" When are you planning to go on maternity leave", "Who will cover for you" and "When will you be back?"

- For the Swedish reaction add something along the lines of "Are you on a UK contract or a Swedish contract?" and when they find out I am on a UK contract "Oh dear... how long maternity leave do you get?" and then always very surprised that I get 9-12 months.... Swedes always assuming it is much worse in the UK than Sweden (which it is in some ways which I need to blog about at a later date, but not in others and never as bad as we tend to think...)

With my German colleagues:

1. As the above, exactly the same
2. "So, when are you leaving us"?

??? Not a word about coming back... after some quiet time I then add "...but I am coming back"... and they react with mild surprise at this, and maybe something like "so, there is good child care in the UK?" with a slightly surprised voice. A female German colleague even shared with me that she and her boyfriend are planning to move to the US when she gets pregnant as "this bloody country just don't get the working mum thing".

Ok - so I think I work with very conservative Germans and of course there are different options in Germany too, but can't help but wonder whatever happened after the reunion with DDR? Did nothing of the equality from the East drip into the West?

Final note: It is not that I disagree with women choosing to stop working to be stay at home mums, quite the contrary, it is beautiful - IF and WHEN this was their choice. As it is equally great when dads choose to do the same, as well as when couples choose to organize other help as they are both working. Every way works as long as you love and care for your family. I am just against not offering choices to people that is all.

Anyways, I am very glad to live in a country/city where choice is ripe and people tend to find their own ways that suit their lifes the best!

Week 19: The seven dwarfs in one person

• Sleepy - most of the time, especially at parties from around 21.00....
• Grumpy - quite a lot of the time
• Dopey - always
• Bashful - hmmm, maybe not obvious and not very often, but it does happen, especially when people I don't know that well wants to touch my stomache and talk to me about my pregnancy...
• Doc - like to think I have some words of wisdom to share every now and then
• Happy - quite a lot of the time when I am not grumpy
• Sneezy - always

Add to these seven Bitchy, Smelly and Bloaty and you have a pretty good description of me.....

Hey Ho, Hey ho....

An ode to all the single mums-to-be - and the H!

It was 4 years ago yesterday that the H and I met for the first time on the dancefloor of our favorite indie London joint... Went out to celebrate last night with dinner at our favorite restaurant (Ciao Bella, best Italian in London!) and a show (The 39 steps - very well made and funny!) and some nice and thoughtful presents going both ways.

It got me thinking how incredibly lucky I am to have found such a great partner, and even though I sulk and moan sometimes about that I have to do the majority of the work in the pregnancy stage - he is as supportive and involved that he is biologically capable of being... always there, sharing and helping as much as he can.

My thoughts then went out to all the women who are doing this on their own... I am in awe. I am realizing that there are plenty of other support to get from friends and family etc, but it still must be pretty lonely and tough when all those hormones are playing with your mind, and you don't have a partner there to hold your hand, and be part of the whole experience. Hang in there, all superwomen out there, and get help whenever and whereever you can!

And the H - you are simply the best!

Week 18: REM baby yeah!

"The book" says that some research says that babies can recognize voices and songs that they heard repeatedly when they were in the womb when they are born.... I find it fun to watch the H face crunch up when I mention this after having been to a football game (we support rivaling teams in North London and both have seasons tickets this year, needless to say the baby gets more exposure to my team right now :-)

The H suggested that we should agree on some specific music to play repeatedly to the baby now, at times when we think he/she is at most calmest/happiest in there, and maybe we can then use that music to subliminally remind him/her of that feeling once out of the safe womb... and it will have to be R.E.M... my all time favorites, and the H likes them as well. Went to a fantastic R.E.M concert last night at the Royal Albert Hall and it was very clear. The voice of Michael Stipe always makes me feel good inside, so should impact baby too.

A few suitable titles as well:


"Catapult" and "Everybody Hurts" - for giving birth...
"Nightswimming","Try not to breathe" "Daysleeper" - for when still in the womb...
"Begin the begin", "Get up", "Stand" "Walk, unafraid" - some first advice when out...

Let's just hope that "The wrong child" will not ever be relevant though....

Below are the beginning of the lyrics to "Walk unafraid" which I think is a great song. Find your own way baby!


As the sun comes up, as the moon goes down
These heavy notions creep around
It makes me think
Long ago I was brought into this life,
a little lamb A little lamb
Courageous, stumbling
Fearless was my middle name
But somewhere there
I Lost my way
Everyone walks the same
Expecting me to step
The narrow path they've laid
They claim to(chorus)

Walk unafraid
I'll be clumsy instead
Hold me love me or leave me High

"EVERYTHING you do annoys me right now"

Heard in the car last night:

Me: Please stop sucking on that lollipop so loudly

The H: Yes dear

Me: Can you not fiddle with the aircon please?

The H, exasperated...: Yes dear

Me: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... I am so sorry but EVERYTHING you do annoys me right now... I know I am being unreasonable but am just so IRRITATED

The H, giggling now: Yes dear...

Poor H, he has to put up with a lot of hormonal bitchiness these days. In my defence, I was in an especially rotten mood because:

1. I had just come back from a frustrating workshop in Germany, was very tired and fed up
2. I had to go straight from the airport to the car pound to pick up my clamped car and pay £250 for the pleasure (my fault, had park on yellow line that I didn't see the night before...)
3. EVERYONE seems to be going skiing right now - and I can't go.... My nr 1 passion and I haven't missed a skiing trip a year since.... 1990 when I lived in Florida.....

Grrrrrr. I think I am turning into Lilla My....

Week 17: It is not a baby after all - it is just a huge amount of trapped wind!?

Right now I have such a bloated stomache that I feel certain that there is not a baby in there - just a huge amount of trapped wind that no "samarin" in the world can fix...

Well, not really, but I want to see the shrimp again... just to know it's there kind of - it's been a long time since the ultrasound now, and as I am feeling much better (you were all right about it getting easier in the middle bit!! have much more energy and even though I am still bored sometimes I find it easier to cope and focus on the positives), it is sometimes hard to understand that there really is a little life growing inside me... The picture from the ultrasound looks a bit alien (speaking of which, better not see that film during pregnancy...). Portable ultrasound machines anyone? A new business idea maybe?

Anyways, am starting to show now, so good thing that I told my managers last week. They made all the right congratulatory noises and said all the right things "of course you get a new contract" etc. So far so good - now it is up for them to also "walk the walk" and deliver... Fingers crossed.

Backed to forced burping. Aint I just the ladeeeeeey eh?

A new vocabulary of pains and aches...

Have been to my first "parental information evening" tonight, called "Take care of yourself". Partners not allowed to this one. What is really was, was a scary long list of various pains and aches that can happen to pregnant women. I have learnt a whole new vocabulary tonight, like Sacro Llilac joint pains, pelvic girdle pain, Carpal tunnel syndrome, Coccyx pain etc etc. Good thing I am not a hypocondriac!

It was a sweet midwife in her fifties that ran the session. Am sure her heart was in the right place, but she seemed a bit out of touch with her audience - addresing us like we were housewifes in the fifties or something, able to take long breaks in the middle of the day watching day time TV and eating pralines..... Can't speak for the whole room but I chatted with three other ladies; one a camera woman at the BBC, another Marketing executive at Universal and the third an attorney. Ah well. No harm done.

Anyways, sure it is useful to know what to look out for, but part of me thinks it's better not to know all these things. Not sure what is best really, know too much about what is going on and could potentially happen, or know too little (like in my mum's days when they didn't have much knowledge, ultrasound or anything). As always, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.

I will stick to "the book" and my friends advice of course.

We are all actors, playing different roles...

The first time I went for a haircut with my favorite hairdresser in Stockholm many years ago, he started the consultation by sitting down with me for a coffee and a chat. He asked a lot of questions about the different roles I played, and what images I wanted to convey. His point was that for him to be able to advice on a haircut, he needed to understand the different aspects of my personality and life. He had a very good point... When I had to think about it, I realized that I had very different roles to play already then; At work I needed to look professional and "clean cut", after work I wanted a much more playful and funky look, then there was the sport and holiday activities where I needed to have a very simple look etc etc.

My point being that we are all actors playing different roles in life. I am slightly different at work than I am with my husband, my friends etc. I have many different interests that require slightly different approaches (not just hair styles :-).

When I told the world that I was pregnant, a new role was added to this list, the "mum-to-be".

Now when I speak with friends, family and relative strangers after that revelation, it seems that they only see the newest role addition - the mum-to-be role, which leaves me feeling a little bit lost. A friend who is just about to give birth called it a minor identity crisis. Yes, a very important and lifechanging new role has been added to my repertoire, and a few of my old roles are temparily dormant for health reasons, but I didn't take any roles away - I am still the same person playing all those different parts...

Week 16: Are pregnant women not supposed to be working in the business world?

Ignored "the book" advice to wait with buying maternity clothes as can't really work in Billabong T-shirts... and went on a shopping spree yesterday. Went to three different maternity clothes stores before I found a little gem, a small boutique on Kensington Church Street that had been spotted by my very helpful friend BB. They had "normal looking" clothes that don't look like maternity wear at all and are extremely comfortable. Nowhere though, did I find a suit for work... which is my most urgent need right now.

Are pregnant women not supposed to be working in the business world?

Three colourful parrots amongst a group of penguins!

Am sitting in an airport lounge in Germany and am a bit bored. Amusing myself with a little personal survey....

In this lounge, that I can see where I sit, there are currently:

• 42 people in total
• 39 of these 42 are men
• 31 of the 39 men wear a black or very dark blue suit / 3 wear a grey suit and 5 wear a dark pin striped suit.
• Of the 3 women, there is one dark suit but with a bright turqouise top underneath, one lady with a bright red top and black skirt, and myself with a black jacket and dark green skirt.

We stand out like three colourful parrots amongst a group of penguins....

My little experiement prooves that: More women in business would provide much more colour to our lives!

Can't wait to get fat(ter)!?

This is definately the first time in my life (always had a couple of kilos too many around the waist) that I can say this, but I can't wait until I get fat(ter) and it really shows that I am pregnant. Right now I am just uncomfortable in most clothes and feel and look a bit chubbier than normal.

Anyways, this was meant to be a big big THANK YOU to all my wonderful friends who have responded to my post "Does anyone really enjoy being pregnant" either on here, or offline. All of you have said pretty much the same, that you also found it difficult and boring but that it got easier around week 20 when you are showing and can also feel the kicks and stuff, and also to enjoy the healthy lifestyle and don't beat myself up about not having as much energy as before. Mostly it was nice to hear that I don't seem to be missing a "pregnancy glow gene" - this thing about women loving being pregnant is probably made up by men, who wants to feel ok about them not having to do much until the baby is born...

THANK YOU all you wonderful people taking the time and energy to give me your feedback and advice, truly, really appreciate this!!!

Indie Shrimp

The Book says that little shrimp can now hear sounds outside of the womb.

What a responsibility!! We are doing our best to ensure we have an Indie kid and putting the shrimp through as many indie gigs and generally playing as much good music around it as we possibly can.

Imagine the horror of having children who likes mainstream rubbish like the future equivalent of "one hit blunder" extremely annoying Blunt something, or horror of horrors; Swedish Schlager...

Have to go and put some CSS on... the shrimps new favorite band.




YES YES YES!!!

NO NO NO!!!

Week 15: Does anyone really enjoy being pregnant?

Am on a dip in the roller coaster tonight and wondering if other pregnant women know something I don't? A lot of women around me say how wonderful it is/was to be pregnant, and I am seriously curious about what I am missing. I am not finding it wonderful at all, in fact, I would like nothing more than to be done with it now, and not have another 25 weeks or so to go.

Spent my Friday night at home in front of TV on my own. The H had a work thing. I was invited to join some friends to go to a punky bar in Camden, which normally would be just my thing, but didn't have enough energy to trek all the way there, knowing I'd probably like to go home again a couple of hours later. So been wallowing in my loneliness and boredom a bit.

Thing is that I find it incredibly boring to be pregnant.... it negatively impacts my energy levels, my social life, my holiday plans, my fitness regime, my mood, my everything.....

BUT and this is important, I wouldn't want to "undo" the pregnancy, no way. I am genuinely very happy that the H and I can and will start a family together (touch wood all goes well). I am also very greatful that we are able to get pregnant at all in the first place. Nothing to take for granted at my age (or any age really), so don't want to sound too much of an ungreatful and selfish bitch (just a little bit...)

It is just that I see these 40 weeks as a neccessary evil that I have to go through for a big reward at the end and not something to enjoy, and if all those women who say the love/d being pregnant really mean/t that, please fill me in on your secrets!

My mum said "it is going to be nine very long, and very tough months..." when she found out that I was pregnant....

As always, Mum knows best.